Wednesday, 17 March 2010


What a fascination. For some more than others of course.

There is a world. A strange world where girls (and some boys) can get lost. Sometimes just a day, sometimes weeks. Sometimes, they say, it is possible to get lost there forever. It is a strange world, full of blurry images. Images you can't make out and day by day you are not sure what you are looking at.

I've been to this world. Many times. Luckily (or some may say unluckily), I have always made it back to this world. Usually pulled back to this world by something very real. Or by being very weak. Strength and spirit.

Being an actor doesn't make it easier of course. When you are an actor, people (in particular teachers and mentors) feel they can tell you what you are and what you need to be, maybe not realising that it will send you to this strange and scary world where you will get lost for a few weeks before bounding back into the real world and then some.

I feel the need to write in an abstract way. Despite my title being blatant.

The sad truth is, this world can be a wonderful and magical place too. A place where you are in control, you like what you see and people compliment you. People compliment you on your fabulous change, your journey into this world, not really knowing what they are congratulating. People and their compliments keep you strong in this desire to succeed in this world, despite the world moving beneath your feet. You don't get compliments like that very often in the real world. So you start to believe it to be true and safe and right.

Then, when something clicks, or you lose it, or before you know it you are bounding back into the real world begging for forgiveness or at least for someone to hold you in their arms, no one believes or really cares about what you have seen or experienced in this place, this world. And you start to wish you'd never come back.

And it'll happen again. This circle of proof. This idea that one day you will succeed in the other world and then, with the drop of a hat, the real world will finally be yours to claim.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Check it out...

So for anyone actually reading this, I have created two new sections on my Blogger. On the right you will see "Poetry" and "Song Lyrics" and this is where I will share my other writing style.

Enjoy x



I mean what do people do?

Ok, so usually I'm so busy with a show and a relationship that I don't have time to ever feel bored. Time off is a rarity and is usually spent with my nearest and dearest eating pizza and drinking milkshake in bed. But now....I honestly can't think of anything to do.

I've watched movie after movie, I've worked my way through ALL of Sex and the City, I've eaten copious amounts of doritos, I've got drunk alone, I've gone to the theatre alone, I've read books and plays, I've cleaned everything, I've decorated but now I'm bored. And I was bored all along really.


Maybe this is what happens when your hobby is your job. I don't even sing very much at the moment. 1, because it annoys my new non-musical housemates and 2, every time I sing it reminds me of what I'm not doing anymore. It reminds me of how endlessly boring my life is without singing.

I really can't go on like this. It comes back to that waiting that I wrote about. I'm literally waiting for my life to pass me by. I don't have anyone to share it with. By the time I find someone to share it with I'll be so closed off and set in my boring ways I'll have forgotten how to function with someone else in my life!

So I'll try and write.

...before I go mad.